Hello fellow Bulls of Matador Meggings,
This is Valentine, Maker of Matador Meggings. I recently organized a best story contest purely because that's the shit you do out of boredom after 2 months of lockdown. I really enjoyed reading more than 100 bonkers stories and honestly, I can't imagine a more productive way of spending my time at home than trying to pick the winners. Well, the results are in! Here are the winners:
THE WEIRDEST HOOKUP – ERIC
I have a job that requires me to travel a great deal. So, like many of us, I use Grindr to connect with locals and every now and again have some naked fun. Well this one evening after a very long travel day I decided I wanted to check out the local offerings and found a gorgeous guy online who's profile said "love having my ass eaten. Any takers?" As that's one of my favorite pass times, I jumped at the opportunity and said hello followed by "I volunteer as tribute". He then sent me several really hot pictures and I (being the courteous gay that I am) responded with pics of my own to which I was immediately met with a "omg stop! I don't wanna see that!" Now color me confused. I proceeded to tell him I was just returning the favor of pic share and he said "I'm only looking for oral, so I don't really need to see your junk".... oooooookkkkkkkkkk *side eye*... sure. Well, I SHOULD have taken that as the "red flag" that it was, but it had been a couple months since I'd gotten laid, so clearly my other head was in the driver's seat and when he asked to come over... I said yes.
He comes over and his pics do him no justice. The boy was gorgeous. He walks in, says hello and then proceeds to strip from the waist down, got on all fours and buried his face in the pillow. So I followed his lead and started going to town. As my face is buried in his cakes I hear him mumbling something into the pillow. Eventually I decide to come up for air and ask what he's on about... only to find out that he's trying to give me directions on EXACTLY how to eat his ass... And I quote "lick from my taint to my hole...now circle it 3 or 4 times...get it real wet... stick your tongue in... lick back down to taint..." it started feeling like I was trying to put in a cheat code for mortal Kombat rather than rimming someone! Eventually, I started to find my groove again... until he decided that right there, with my face buried in his ass, was the PERFECT time to have a philosophical discussion about life, family, religion. Ten minutes (and several extremely awkward and personal questions later including asking how much money I make and trying to convince me we've met before - even though I've never been to that state and he's never left it *smh*) I had to ask him to leave and ended my night hornier than I started it. Never again north Charleston. NEVER AGAIN!
THE MOST UNUSUAL FIRST DATE – SAMUEL
Craziest first date was in 2019, I met this girl online. We decided to meet at her apartment. We went swimming, after swimming for a while I went back to her room. To get changed. I left the door open. I took off my suit. Then I started talking to her while she was in kitchen she assumed I had finished changing and came back to room, door was open, so she came on in. She saw me and I asked do we have to get dressed? She took off her suit, she asked me "You don't want to get dressed, do you?" I shook my head no. We left room naked, after I had sucked her boob. We went to couch where I reclined back and let her lay back on me. We turned on the movie. After half the movie I asked if she were hungry? We both got up and went in to kitchen to get the chili I prepared ahead of time. She stuck it in microwave and we French kissed, the whole time it heated. We then dipped our bowls and went back into living room. We sat on couch, and while still naked, we ate our chili. After finishing we both went to kitchen and put bowls on counter. We French kissed some more. Then we went back to finish movie. I reclined on couch having her lay on me. Since she never once gave me a blowjob, after me sacking on her breast, I assumed she didn't want sex on first date. We finished the movie and French kissed a bit more then we went back to the bedroom and got dressed. I it was time for me to leave, we French kissed goodbye. I left. I later thought maybe the continued French kissing was her way of asking for sex. I guess we'll never know now because she called and said we shouldn't see each other anymore.
THE CRAZIEST THING YOU'VE DONE – MIKE
One evening after a De la Hoya fight (around 2AM) a friend and I had put back 8 pitchers of the local pubs' finest ale. While driving to the local taco joint we stopped in what appeared to be a vacant lot in the middle of nowhere so we could relieve ourselves. I pulled my car into the dirt and we both proceeded to release the unwanted fluids from our system in front of my car.
All of the sudden 5 sets of police patrol car lights hit us and they announced to stop what we were doing immediately. -- I had pulled my car into a vacant lot in front of a school and the police were on break sitting in their cars behind a fence-- I told my friend to get in the car so we could make a break for it since the cops were behind a fence. We jumped in the car and made a mad dash for freedom. We were now in a high speed pursuit... I drove through alleyways and backyards until I finally told my friend we were going to have to make a break on foot since my yellow car was a little obvious.
I pulled my car into the 1st parking lot we found and jumped out to make a run for it. In less than 2 shakes of a lamb's tail we were tackled and handcuffed. When I looked up to see why we got caught so quickly I saw the beautiful shiny sign a few feet from my head that said Brea Police Department. UGH.....
Aftermath: Because of the time we got caught (shift change) No one wanted to write up 2 idiots who couldn't wait to get to a bathroom Yeahm, Dumb luck! We were told to call a taxi and we could go. That was 20 years ago and now I drive for Lyft late at night to pick up people who are much smarter than me so I can give good karma back to the drinking world.
THE MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT – TRACY
When I was 16 I lived in Grand Forks, ND. It was dead of winter but a friend and I would go to the indoor pool on Saturdays. This one particular Saturday I drove my snowmobile to the pool. So was dressed in full winter gear. Helmet, skin mask, snowsuit, gloves and air boots.
When I entered the pool a bunch of my high school buddies were there, we wanted to throw one of our girlfriends in the pool so myself and my buddy got her.I had her legs and he had her arms. We counted 1, 2 and 3. He let go of her arms but I did not because we were just going to “pretend to throw her in the pool.” Well, that’s what we talked about. Since I did not let go of her I fell in the pool with all my clothes on, except the helmet. I sank like a rock. But it was only about 5 feet. The entire pool was laughing at me. I even started laughing.
The horrible part of this was the fact I had to stay at the pool until almost closing in order to dry out my clothes. Another embarrassing thing that happened to me was losing my swim trunks in the pool. But that’s a whole other story. :)
THE MOST INSPIRING STORY – CHRISTOPHER
The craziest thing I have ever done was to decide to become a competitive bodybuilder. This crazy journey started back in 2011 after returning from a trip of a lifetime where I spent 22 days traveling Australia, New Zealand, and Fiji; which I had spent 9 months prior losing 80 lbs. so I could swim the beaches without a shirt.
When I returned I found myself falling into the old habits that caused me to blow up to over 230 lbs. I needed a new goal and 2 weeks before I left on my trip, my personal trainer realized that I would need a new focus when I returned and recommended doing a bodybuilding show. Well she was right and when I realized I was slipping back into the bad habits I sat down with her and the gym owner in my home town and decided to train for my first bodybuilding show in the Spring of 2011.
Fast forward to present day... I have now been competing for 9 years. I have competed in 12 shows. I also earned my natural men's bodybuilding pro status in 2016 on my 45th birthday. I then made my pro natural men's bodybuilding debut in 2018 placing 1st at the Minnesota Mayhem and 3rd at the Michigan Natural Bodybuilding events. In the end this has been the craziest thing I have ever done for many reasons. I was unable to participate in school athletics as a kid because my family could not afford it. I was also a "husky" kid growing up but because of that and other reasons I was bullied all through high school. This caused me to be very self conscious of my body and how I looked. In turn I used food to mask the pain. But in the end I am glad I realized I need to change my lifestyle and this crazy world of competitive bodybuilding helps me maintain.